New Years and Search for Connection

Happy new year! A day to designate a new beginning or a fresh start is practiced mostly around the world although different cultures may celebrate the start of a new year differently and on different days. The practice of these traditions associated with a new year is that it can help people re-align with their values, re-examine what is important, bring people together, to help build community and ultimately create a sense of belonging. As the past 2 years have shown us, the pandemic has created circumstances resulting in social isolation. Along with common new year resolutions such as improving health and happiness, this year people are also considering building meaningful connections or re-establishing new social relationships.

There are many considerations when one seeks to build meaningful relationships, one of which is the ethnic-cultural background of ourselves and the other person or community in which we want to connect with. There are advantages in developing diverse relationships, such as perspective taking (Ragins & Ehrhardt, 2021), and increased awareness and interest in diversity (Denson & Chang, 2009).

As we consider the factors of race in building relationships, understand that it takes effort and as outlined by a podcast by Nicole Doyley, sticking with familiarity is often safer, so actively trying to create relationships outside of our comfort zone will require a commitment. Understand that when trying to make or meet new friends who are people of color, there are historical contexts such as prejudices, discriminatory practices, and exposures to microaggressions. Consequently, it will not be surprising that a person of color might not be as forth-coming or open given the history of situations creating a lack of trust. Building trust will take time.

Tips to consider should you want to build close relationships with people of color:

1. Are you talking more than listening?

2. Are you trying to control the situation, conversation, and setting?

3. What is your willingness to share some degree of vulnerability?

4. What is your willingness to genuinely be transparent about issues as well as your willingness to explore uncomfortable topics?

5. Are you truly interested in getting to know the other person as a unique human being?

The importance of building diverse and close friendships cannot be overstated. With the new years we want to embrace an opportunity to engage in something, taking a healthy risk, not having regrets in living, and one aspect of that is to have deep friendships.

References:

1. Denson, N., & Chang, M. J. (2009). Racial Diversity Matters: The Impact of Diversity-Related Student Engagement and Institutional Context. American Educational Research Journal, 46(2), 322–353. https://doi.org/10.3102/0002831208323278 

2. Ragins, B. R., & Ehrhardt, K. (2021). Gaining perspective: The impact of close cross-race friendships on diversity training and education. Journal of Applied Psychology, 106(6), 856–881. https://doi.org/10.1037/apl0000807

3. Warren B. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware. Proc (Bayl Univ Med Cent). 2012 Jul;25(3):299–300. PMCID: PMC3377309. 

Recommended Books:

1. A beginner’s guide to crossing cultures: Making friends in a multicultural world